I feel disillusioned.
Admittedly, it is astonishing to look at the number of areas in my life where this feeling is currently front and center. At the top of my list is the unconscionable actions of politicians who choose profit over people. Yet, if I do even a minor amount of research, history reveals the cyclical nature of this behavior. There have been many a bad king, a ruthless tyrant, autocrat and greedy oppressor that have managed to climb into positions of power.
And, to watch this behavior played out in these times without consequence, boggles my mind and saddens my spirit.
Even though I currently feel disillusioned, I also feel and experience transcendence and hope, connection and resourcefulness, strength and compassion.
Consider that no feeling is bad or worse than the others. They are feelings and if ignored or resisted, these natural internal navigations do not have the liberty to flow through or perhaps spur us on towards empowering action. If Gandhi had not honored and fully felt his disillusionment and anger towards oppression he might never have developed his nonviolence model. If Giovanni di Pietro di Bernardone had not honored his disillusionment of worldly excess and the wide chasm between wealth and poverty that he witnessed, we may never have had the privilege of benefitting from his writings and examples as Saint Francis of Assisi.
And for every war-mongering despot there are countless others who lead with compassion and whose lives invoke humane service and dignified policy.
And so, I feel disillusioned. But more importantly, what will I do with this feeling? Will I let it overpower and drain me till I become nothing more than a stagnant, bitter sideline critic or will I use this feeling to fuel some unexplored activism that calls me towards new rules of engagement?
The choice is mine.